I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
