do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
