Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
