Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
