you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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