you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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