I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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