Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
