Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
