$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Im part way to drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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