one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
