I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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