I think I am morally bankrupt
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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