Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
