Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
