Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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