Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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