Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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