I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
