Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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