I want to walk on stilts...naked
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
