sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
