Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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