i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
