I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
