My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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