fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
