when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
