fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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