I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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