I accidentally had phone sex last night
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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