I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
