and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
