we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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