do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
