There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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