? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
