i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
