Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
