Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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