The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
