I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
