i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
