Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
