Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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