Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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