I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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