why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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