Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
