I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
