I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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