I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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