If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
