If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
