the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
