lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
